I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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