whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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