Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I am one with the molecules
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Randomize
