just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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