The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
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