I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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