I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
