Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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