Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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