those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
