I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
