I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
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