4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
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