her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
