Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
