You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
