um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
