I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
only you would photoshop your dick
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Even my vagina gasped.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
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