Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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