Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I touched a dick in church today
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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