I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
