R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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