Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
