we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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