so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
