at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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