Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
