Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
