So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
