lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
