respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
They are going to name an STD after you.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
