oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Randomize
