Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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