Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
