based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
