The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
