and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
