I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
