girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
