oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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