I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
