How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
