I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
