I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
