your parents love me but you hate me
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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