Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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