I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
he shaved USA in his pubs
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
