its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
