so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
