We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
