So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
