How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
