Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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