This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
