somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
